Forgiveness

One of the most difficult virtues for human beings to practice in the daily life is forgiveness. Normally, if someone hurts us or does wrong to us, we will look for a way to pay back. Or, if someone takes something from us, we will take them back. It seems the “an eye for an eye” law is still active in the society today.

 Looking at the world today, there are still so many conflicts, problems, and separations that are seeking reconciliation and forgiveness. Many broken relationships have been apart for a long time, still looking for healing. Many victims of killing or sexual abuse can’t forgive their wrongdoers to move on to live at peace in their lives. Many victims of war and violence have still been wounded or dramatized, seeking spiritual and metal directions to get back to their normal life. I still remember when working in the hospital as a chaplain, I came to visit a Viet veteran patient. He was shocked when he saw me, and he refused talking to me because he thought I was a communist. Even though the war was ended, the flashback is still there. Maybe, for him it’s impossible to forgive his enemies when he witnessed his companions being shot to death right next to him.

How about the tragedy of 9/11? We could raise a question that how many people who lost their family members can forgive the attackers. There is still too much pain and loss. Some may let it go and forgive. Some may still be working on it. Some may be impossible to forgive. 

The Gospel shows us a reality that forgiveness is such a challenge for a human person. The servant owed his master a huge amount of money. He came to beg for giving him more time to pay back that amount; the master let him go and forgave the loan. However, when this servant met one of his fellow servants, who owed him a smaller amount, he choked him, demanding him to pay back the amount regardless of the begging of this fellow.

Peter himself also found that it’s so difficult to deal with forgiveness. He came to ask Jesus how many times he should forgive the one who does wrong to him. Jesus answered seventy-seven times. It means forgiveness is unlimited. Forgive, forgive, and forgive until we feel the pain in ourselves for doing so.

Forgiveness is so difficult, but Jesus is calling us to do what is difficult and challenging; what makes us feel the pain; not just what is too easy and convenient to earn without paying an effort or sacrifice. As Christians, forgiveness is not simply a choice, but is what we ought to learn and practice day by day.

why do we have to forgive?

First of all, if we call ourselves the followers of Jesus, why don’t we learn a great example of forgiveness from him, who was crucified on the cross? In the moment of hatred, anxiety, frustration, and hopelessness, he still prayed for his accusers, “Father, please forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing”. Wow! Who can pray for his or her enemies when he or she is in the state of dying like this? What a tremendous spirit of forgiveness! Jesus himself is a lived lesson of forgiveness for all of us. Therefore, when we learn to forgive others is when we surrender ourselves to God to follow Jesus on the path of becoming like him.  

Secondly, forgiveness gives way to heal our own wounded emotion and loss. If we can’t forgive, our mind must be busy all the time to think how to revenge. There is no more room for thinking healthily. This can also cause anger and frustration, which never let us at peace. Our lives must be miserable and unhealthy. Therefore, forgiveness turns out to be the grace of God, which can heal us physically, emotionally and psychologically. 

Finally, we have to forgive many times because we don’t know for sure how many times we are going to hurt others and do wrong to them, and it’s our turn to beg them for forgiveness. Therefore, forgiveness is a fair act, which allows us to think and reflect on our own weakness and limitation, to be able to understand others’ mistakes to forgive.  God forgives our sins, so we are learned to forgive our brothers and sisters’ sins. Practicing forgiveness is a way to gain humility in our hearts. A humble heart always has room for the grace of God, which transforms us to be more forgiving and compassionate.

To each of us, more or less, we have someone or something in our lives to forgive. We know that it’s not easy to forgive someone, who hurts us or does wrong to us if we always remain in our wounded feelings. If we choose to practice forgiveness, we should move on to a spiritual level, saying to the Lord: please give me your grace so that I can be able to forgive. If we repeat this prayer many times in our lives, we could turn our pain and wound into compassion, so that we can forgive others freely and totally. We pray for all the victims of 9/11 tragedy, so that they may be strengthened by God’s grace to be able to forgive their wrongdoers and to live at peace with one another.